Parenting Support
Guiding parents through tough moments with compassion.
Understanding Parenting Challenges
Being a parent is not a job that can ever be done perfectly. It can be exhausting and painful but also wonderful and fulfilling. It can even be each of these all at once! In shaping a human being, we find ourselves doing what feels like the most important job we have ever done, but without qualifications. Because every child is different, there is no how-to manual for every parenting possibility that may arise.
Feeling that you might somehow be ‘failing’ as a parent at times is part of normal experience. However, sometimes this feeling or the sense that your child needs more from you, but you aren’t sure what or simply that you are not sure how to navigate what seems to be a rollercoaster of tantrums or other tricky behaviours leads to us feeling alone and unsure.
What Influences Child and Adolescent Behaviour?
Normal developmental transitions: There are periods in a child’s development when being oppositional is part of their job (think: toddlers and early teens) as they are attempting to meet their developmental milestones around autonomy and independence. These are part of normal healthy development. Sometimes these stages may interact with other factors (listed below) which can mean that these somewhat typical oppositional behaviours stick around for longer or are more intense than we might expect.
Neurodivergence: There are many forms of neurodivergence, though two neurotypes that figure significantly in the behaviour equation are ADHD and autism, however other neurodivergence such as learning disorders (dyslexia, dysclaculia and dysgraphia for example) or OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) may have a significant impact too.
Temperament: The foundations of personality or temperament are formed very early in the first few months of life. Their personality is a work in progress and many factors shape this over roughly the first 2 decades of life. Our genetics influence our temperament, however this evolves over time as the child interacts with the world around them.
Environment: When we speak about a child’s environment, we refer predominantly to their home and school world or the people and places that are the most constant aspects of their life. Factors such as parental stress levels, family conflict, consistency of rules and expectations, the frequency and quality of positive parent-child interactions among other things will significantly impact how children deal with day-to-day challenges and regulate their emotions and therefore behaviour.
Physical health: Being physically unwell can have a significant impact on how a person behaves. These may include feeling tired, uncomfortable, or being in pain and therefore having poorer frustration tolerance. This is in addition to experiencing psychological distress related to the illness, such as being fearful of what is happening to them or what they may experience. Typically lowering demands on the young person is an appropriate response in this situation.
Social and emotional well-being: Children experiencing anxiety are more likely to feel under threat and their response to this may be to show avoidance behaviours or lash out in anger more frequently. Low mood can impact feelings and can manifest into fatigue and varying levels of motivation. Challenges related to mental health struggles (such as anxiety or depression) by their very nature will have significant impacts on how likely a young person will cooperate with requests, or engage in daily tasks that form part of the household.
Parenting help: Parenting is difficult. Thankfully there is a wealth of information about parenting practices that can reduce problematic child behaviours and increase positive interactions within the family. In fact, this is an area of psychology that is probably one of, if not the most well researched. There are many well supported, evidence-based strategies that can help parents with very challenging behaviours or situations or fine-tune aspects of their approach to improve outcomes for the whole family. Speaking to a child psychologist about the specifics of your child, teen or family situation means that we can help you to find what works for you and supports you whilst you discover how to manage difficulties and foster connection with them.
What are Common Parenting Challenges?
- Managing limits and boundaries including those around screens: knowing where to draw the line can be hard, but remaining consistent and sticking with these boundaries is even harder. It starts with creating a realistic plan that you are going to be able to stick to 99% of the time, not creating a bar that you can only meet half the time.
- Difficulty with finding effective ways to increase positive behaviours: whilst having limits is important and avoiding accidentally reinforcing those things you want to see less of is crucial, the big change happens when we focus our attention on the things we want to increase and consider the most effective ways to positively reinforce these. Whilst sticker charts or money incentives and the like might have their place for small specific challenges, these are a fraction of what we mean when we talk rewards and positive reinforcement. The highest value reward will come from parenting actions that focus on the parent-child relationship: things like skilled use of descriptive praise, warmth and affection and parental time have much higher value. Parents may find one or more aspects of this quite personally challenging for a number of reasons including their own depleted emotional reserves, so getting support with this can pay huge dividends.
- Responding to big emotions in their child or teen, especially when they are experiencing anxiety or mood difficulties: It can sometimes feel like we are at war when our child is having a meltdown, or our teen is having an out-of-control moment. There aren’t too many parents out there that welcome these times (even parents who are also child psychologists!) However, there are some important ways that we can respond which will avoid feeding the fire and help young people regulate in a healthy way. The skill of validation is both valuable and something we all need (not just kids). There can be a lot of trial and error in learning how to do this in a way that works for your child or teen, so persisting and getting help when needed is important.
- Prioritising what to pay attention to: When it seems that there is no end to the issues that you need to pay attention to, prioritising is important. Knowing where to start and what to focus on is a challenge that parents commonly report when speaking to a child psychologist.
- Reacting in the moment: Keeping our own emotions in check when we are talking to our children or managing their behaviour can be difficult. Patience and reframing so we don’t take things too personally are keys to this. However, having awareness in the moment is a challenge and requires constant practice. Mindful awareness is often a foundational skill to learning many psychological strategies as it enables us to know what we are dealing with.
- Feeling exhausted and overwhelmed: Challenges in parenting can seem endless and it is easy to find yourself in despair. Working with a professional to help identify what you need to practically cope as well as working on prioritising where to start may not eliminate these feelings but may allow you to gradually take steps forward in the right direction. Reversing parental burnout is not an overnight fix but rather taking many small steps in the right direction repeatedly, allowing you to incrementally climb out of that hole of overwhelm and exhaustion.
- Navigating school avoidance: One of the most common problems that we treat and a problem that we have seen flourish since the Covid-19 pandemic; school avoidance can lead to a tsunami of problems within the family – parents may worry about their child’s learning and peer relationships being depleted or they may be prevented from meeting their own work and household demands. It may take a toll on parental relationships as couples may clash in their approaches to the situation. Whilst there are no magic (or quick) answers, there are important steps to take to prevent the problem from worsening and start to turn the ship around so that children are learning and connecting with peers again. This is usually something that families benefit from support as the issues can be complex and require quite a bit of detangling from the objective perspective of a psychologist.
- Managing sibling conflict: Whilst siblings can be an amazing source of support through life, these relationships can get off to a rocky start. Some conflict is normal and teaches children the skills of negotiation, perspective taking and how to resolve disagreements, but knowing how to find the right path through these sibling minefields can take some extra thought and reflection.
How We Aim to Help With Parenting Issues
The psychologists at The Young Mind Clinic understand that you are the most important resource in your child’s life, and the way you respond to your child is a crucial part of getting them on the right track. However, there are times when engaging in this type of support with your child’s psychologist is not beneficial or appropriate, particularly when this may jeopardise trust in the therapeutic relationship and process from the child or teen’s perspective. This does not have to mean you go without support and we would encourage you to connect with one of the other psychologists at the clinic to provide this more in-depth parenting help.
We use highly effective approaches to supporting parents, using strategies from evidence-based parenting programs including but not limited to:
- Integrated Family Intervention (behavioural management approaches for young children developed by Mark Dadds & David Hawes at the Child Behaviour Clinic, Sydney University).
- Tuning in to Kids and Tuning into Teens (parenting program incorporating emotion coaching developed by Sophie Havighurst and Ann Harley through the University of Melbourne).
- Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (a program developed by Ross Greene to help parents problem solve around their young person’s unhelpful or problematic behaviour).
Worried about your child’s wellbeing? Book a consultation today and let our experienced team support you and your family with tailored guidance and care.
The Potential Benefits of Parenting Support / How Parenting Support May Make a Difference / Assisting Parents to Build Stronger Relationships
We all know it ‘takes a village’ to raise a child. We can help by being part of the village – to provide you with the skills and support to feel more in control, manage your own stress, strengthen your relationship with your child and be better able to communicate clearly and openly. Good parenting is often referred to as the “clean water” of child mental health. It is known to be the single best thing we can do to ensure the good mental health of young people. That is not to say that ‘bad parenting’ is the cause of all child mental health struggles, but we do know that effective parenting approaches will improve outcomes hugely and prevent the onset of major mental health disorders later on. Parents are their child’s most important resource and protector from harm, so investing time, thought and self-reflection into this important role will never be a waste of time.
Your Parenting Support Questions Answered
Parents usually seek support when they feel that they are unsure about how to approach their child’s behaviour or certain situations. Their child may also be struggling with mental health issues and a parent may want to learn the best way to support them.
Yes. Sometimes the psychologist who is seeing your child may be the right person to speak to but sometimes to preserve the therapeutic relationship with the young person it is advised that you seek support with one of the other psychologists at the practice.
We support parents of children that are preschool, primary and high school age.
Ideally when seeking parenting support it is helpful for all responsible adults in the house to attend the appointment, this may include the other parent, but may also include a grandparent or a step parent from the same house.
Supporting Parents Every Step of the Way
Parents are their children’s best resource, and they also deserve to be supported in what is the most difficult of times.
Child psychologists are available for you to consult with in Lane Cove or from anywhere via teleconference.
We know that the mountain may seem high, but there is help available. Let us support you by taking a step in the right direction and building stronger connections with your children.
Start Your Child’s Journey to Wellbeing
Contact us today to schedule a consultation and discover how our tailored treatments can support your child’s mental health and development.