We all put things off or ‘procrastinate’ from time to time – it is part of normal human behaviour. However for some, procrastination becomes problematic as it starts to get in the way meeting the regular demands of life, work or school. When procrastination becomes a problem it can be a very difficult habit to shake however it is very possible to get on top of it once you know what drives it and what to do to help make action happen!
Why does my child or teen procrastinate?
Young people are particularly prone to procrastination as their executive functions are still developing and they are more likely to be at the whim of their emotions. Children and teens also have fewer coping mechanisms and awareness of long term consequences, which adults may gradually build over life experience. Procrastination can be a way to escape unpleasant experiences of anxiety, fear of failure (perfectionism), boredom or tiredness (among other things).
Perfectionism and Procrastination – why do they commonly occur together?
Perfectionism is the disproportionate concern about doing something in a way that meets an excessively or unrealistically high standard. Very often procrastination may be the consequence of this. Some young people may find that the very high standards that they had ascribed themselves worked well enough during their younger school years but may begin to experience greater difficulty as they progress through to high school and the demands begin to outweigh capacity to complete the work to the same standards. This might lead to burn out, which as a consequence fuels a lack of motivation or fear of failure. This combination can fuel procrastination or delaying starting a task due to feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of having to complete it perfectly.
The ‘Habit’ of Procrastination
Once we are in the habit of procrastinating and a task approaches that we may find difficult or effortful, this may activate some unhelpful thoughts around completing the task. These thoughts may relate to a fear that we won’t be able to complete the task perfectly or a lack of energy to to it to the unrealistically high standard that we are expecting of ourselves or we may doubt our ability or find ourselves thinking of preferred activities. This discomfort builds as we near the task and our desire to avoid this discomfort intensifies so we justify to ourselves why doing something else (insert activity that is more enjoyable and/or easy) is better at that time. We do these alternative tasks and we feel relief at having avoided was was causing so much discomfort, thereby reinforcing our procrastinating behaviour. Many times when we procrastinate, we find ourselves facing some less than ideal consequences as well… having to stay up very late to complete the task the night before it is due, having marks removed for submitting late, getting a poor grade on rushed work or feeling very stressed and tired when completing the task to get it done in time. These uncomfortable consequences serve to make make the task seem even more difficult or aversive. This may lead to an increase in our anxiety about future tasks and reduce motivation or confidence in our ability to get the task done the way we want to do it next time.
How do I help my child with Procrastination?
Firstly, talking to your child to understand what might be going on for them when they procrastinate can be helpful. You might like to share some of your own experiences of procrastination to begin with to help normalise this as something most people experience. Once you are able to uncover what unhelpful thoughts might be driving the procrastination (“I will fail anyway”, “I don’t know where to start”, “I need my desk to be perfect before I start”, “I can’t do this”, “what if I try and still fail?” and many more) it can be helpful to ask if these are always true. Is there evidence that might suggest these are not always true, for example, is it possible for us to judge whether you “can do it” if your previous experience is only giving yourself a fraction of the time required the night before? Breaking the habit of procrastination requires planning. We need to put in place strategies before the procrastination starts so that the unhelpful thinking doesn’t have a chance to take hold when faced with a task. Not all the same strategies work for everyone and part of the planning process is problem solving what might work and trying it out with a willingness to adjust the plan for the next time. This is how you find your own specific formula to beat procrastination! Some helpful things to try include:
- Write a to do list- if this is for an assignment, this may be all the steps involved in getting the assignment completed. This is often the best place for parents or carers to get involved. Completing tasks for your child is not likely to help them in the future however helping them plan out how they will do it is a powerful way to help your child learn to break tasks down.
- Prioritise which steps to complete first and estimate how long each step will take.
- Set achievable goals – these may be time limited. For young people (or adults) who find the thought of sitting down to do work for long stretches – create very short ‘blocks’ of time. These time blocks may start off very small and increase over time as tolerance increases. It also challenges those who may be approaching the task in a perfectionistic way, limiting the time that they can work on a particular task.
When to get professional help
Sometimes it can be challenging for your child to open up about what might be fuelling their procrastination. Perhaps there has been some conflict in the family as a result of it and it may be hard to remove the heat from the conversation. Procrastination may also be tied up with other mental health challenges including anxiety (including perfectionistic anxiety), mood difficulties or obsessive-compulsive symptoms to name a few. Seeing a child and adolescent psychologist may help your child unpack their thinking and unhelpful behaviours associated with getting things done and assist them to find what works for them in a meaningful and practical way.